Total Bust

So I was definitely aggressive in letting Mark know I was interested. It was a total bust. :o( Oh well. I've got lunch with Duke today. I'm starting to play with fire by talking to him, Duke is not very much available. I get an odd thrill from seeing him though....man o man. Well I went to my patch's holiday party last night. Had a blast!

I looked decent :o)

This was after the previous holiday party.

:o)

Fun, Fun, Fun...

Free on Market

Hmmm...Last night I went out. I got a free snuggie, a kiss and a call from a stranger. Actually, two strangers. Last weekend something similar with, we will call him, Duke. But Duke I know too well. I just wonder, in a world full of indecency where is the line you must cross to go too far? What if in your mind you have not done anything wrong. What if the only reason why you actually think it is wrong is because others say so. I called Mark and invited him out. I definitely am reaching out to him. I need to stop, it's getting too weird :o)

Changes

Lately life has been a whirlwind of changes. I'm running a restaurant on my own. I can't believe how challenging it is, I've been stressing. I love it though. It takes my mind off the one thing in my life that just doesn't seem to want to work out for me.

Ashton and I decided it wasn't fair to be in a long distance relationship. It was mostly him but with everything going on for me I didn't fight it. It's hard though, I still miss him. I am moving on though, I must. Once again single, yes, to going out more often! Yay bars! hahahaha Free drinks and cute men. I have started talking to Jude again, he's so intoxicating. He makes me laugh so much. He's somehow different. Crushing again, unfortunately I'm sure it's another heartbreak waiting to happen so I am trying hard to keep my distance. Now, there is someone else in the picture. His name, for blogging purposes, will be Mark (as in Wahlberg ha!) Mark and I met on my birthday. He is just fun! We went dancing after we ditched my friends. Then we met up with them and had fun dancing some more at our own "Dance Party." lol Now the more my girlfriends tell me about him the more intrigued I become. I am sure nothing will happen between us and it was just a one time thing but I definitely can not stop thinking about him. He just seems so full of life, it is very attractive.

We'll there's more fun to be had! I need to get started on it.

Life Without Him

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine a relationship could be so difficult. I also never pictured myself falling so deeply in love with a man I've been apart more than I have been with. I hate to admit it but not having a real conversation with him in over a month has brought out so many insecurities. I often wonder if he still misses me as much as I miss him. If he looks forward to talking to me. If he still loves me and if that love is growing or whithering. It's not fun. I can not wait until I can once again be with him. I feel like I want to learn everything about him. I want to be there for him. I can't explain why it is that I feel this way but I know my feelings for him are so intense it's really starting to scare me. I'm starting to fear falling madly in love and having my heart shattered. Even though he's not here the person he is makes me want to be better. He has such a kind heart. I feel so lucky...

Lo Amo

I miss him terribly. I am surprised at how much I have grown to love him. I think Ashton is such an amazing man. Like I said, I miss him terribly. I wish I could count the days until I see him again but I don't even know when that is...

He turned 27 on Thursday, his contract is up when he's 32...

...that's a long time. I hope we can make it through this.

Can't Slow Down

I need to slow down and have more nights like this.

Beth, Xio, Jas, Me and Michele

I actually found time to go out to the bars.

We started drinking at Kate's house. Kate is the one to my left. She is super cool. Love her!

Lo extraño

I worked 17hrs today. SEVENTEEN!!!

I'm seriously insane.

I AM ADDICTED.

I'm too young to be working this much.

I missed a friend's birthday last night, I see my mom once a week, I screen calls from family and I'm rarely home. Something needs to change or I'm going to burn out.

Plus I miss Ashton and I am no longer sure what it is that my heart desires.

Am I losing control?

One to Twenty

I have always been eager to grow up, at least that has not changed.

I'm one year older this year. Am I excited? I would say question mark. When I least expect it I will be turning 30. What have I accomplished so far?

I will have to think about that... I really want to go camping again, it gives me time to think.

Anyone want to go?